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Hello my cinderella
everyone have their reasons for doing things.
what about reasons for not doing things? plenty there too.
there are a 101 things i want to do that goes against my believes and morals.
101 things i wish i didn't have self control or a conscience to think about the whats what or consequences if i did.
life when i was younger was way happier. no worries, no doubts. no responsibility, no consequences.
its not that i'm all grown up mr mature or anything. but i just wish i was, i try to be.
many shit has happened these past 2 months. and there are some i wish to atone for.
First theres you, the one person that have been with me my whole life, yes i still remembered how you protected me being a brother i never had, and how when i needed a sister you were there to help me with choices and emotions.
i never told you this, but i don't like the way things are at home now, wish we could still blabber about anything or everything. Its my fault for making things like this, and i can't tell you how grateful i am when you bought the shoe for me. not because i got a new shoe. but because i felt good to know that you still care (perhaps a little, but it meant alot) for me. that being said, i still don't like not getting sleep in my own room. i still dislike him.
then theres my personal goals. reach for the sky and maybe you'll land in the clouds - jolene x's
i just wished i had somebody to share my thoughts and goals with, it be really nice to know that theres this one person behind your back all the time supporting your decisions or helping you make them.
today the dinner with the 3 seniors, i awed as they discussed what they did for their boyfriends or what their boyfriends did for them. i want that. and yet i'm so picky with whom i date.
theres always something you look for in a girl. if you ask me, if its not looks, its the sense of humour, LAUGH, she has got to LAUGH. not at everything, but at similiar things as me i guess. thats my cinderella.
i kinda off-tracked about goals and achievements, perhaps i set the bar too high, and i sort of expected others to think like-wise. But whose gonna push us if we don't push ourselves? its a selfish world out there. its so vague* because i don't really know what can i do about this. we're a family/organisation, shouldnt we share common/similar goals?
then of course there's part 2 of this emotional speech but i shall just leave a reminder for myself to blog about, something about confusion and pokeballs.
Random Rant. Tuesday, October 26, 2010
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