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Liu Jing
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What BHB really means.
Bloody
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ouch
Karma
This one goes out to my bro
No i do not understand
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Every now and then
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What am i doing?
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Designer: {&}Evalicious-
Codes: Corsages
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ouch
it hurts every time you take a step in forgetting, deleting photos, deleting chats, going out, getting wasted.
i guess a part of me is still hoping for that chance.
but it would seem that you're pretty damn sure you made the right choice.
perhaps i've made the wrong choice.
Random Rant. Sunday, November 16, 2014
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Karma
just needed somewhere to vent this frustration.
let's begin this with some information with how it all began.
Scarred, fear of failure, afraid of wasting people's time, afraid that all will go down the drain, all these were going through my head 5 months back, while i was dating her. The girl whom helped me see light in relationships again, the one that got me saying "hey.. this could actually work"
the girl whom i know i don't have to fear lying or cheating on me, the girl who "hated" clubbing, so i don't have to worry others doing other things to her.
The same girl that had thoughts about her future, the same one that i thought had a good foresight.
it's been 11months now since we started dating, and this sweet little thing has becomed the karma of my life. She's now a clubber, she seem to have placed her dreams and goals aside and focused on her short term joys.
what happened!?
was it me? i told her to take the job, it was better paid, it could open her eyes to bigger things. but all it did was narrow her down, to want to party, enjoy, and forget about the future.
fuck.
was it me? who allowed this to mutate, to allow this "disease" to cultivate.
and it's not like i don't allow her to club, its not like i mind if she just wants to have fun, do i really have to be out of this picture?
For the first time, my ego was ground low, and if my ego could dig, i'd be 30 levels underneath the floors of the earth. so fucking many times she ignored me, she was cold, or she bashed me through. i still talked to her.
for the impossible number of times, she told me off, and after i raged, i cooled myself down, and try to put the pieces together.
but nothing seems to work, no words nor actions would convince her, that her decision doesn't make sense, that her decision is illogical.
and yet i can't bring myself to tell her that, her decision, is one i cannot live with.
sure... i'll move on.
sure... the next girl will come eventually.
But save me the embarassment, not one of talking to people, but one of bringing another girl back for the first time, for the X time my family has to meet someone new, and tell me it is okay. it is NOT okay, i'm not a manslut anymore, i'm not that manwhore that just needs a new girl for my ego to feast on.
i just need someone there, and i thought i had someone there. one that i could relate with, no she does not dance, no i do not play volleyball. But there was just something...
Random Rant. Wednesday, November 5, 2014
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This one goes out to my bro
Maybe it's better not to get together with that girl of your dreams, for your impression of that perfect girl will change, and you will lose your faith in love when you lose her.
Random Rant. Tuesday, December 31, 2013
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No i do not understand
No i do not understand, but at least i try, you have no idea how much i tried. i google, i seek, i ask people for advice. Two years, her whole arm, from her wrist, all the way across to her fore arm, those scars i can't bare to see them on you, i can't bare to see them on ANYONE.
But i understand now, there's nothing much we can do, there's nothing much we can say, we just hope that you'd wake up one day.
Random Rant. Friday, August 2, 2013
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Dance
past few weeks have been experiencing more and more of the life of a graduate, not one of the best moments in my life but it was something.
I know i have a story to tell me kids when they grow up. i dont know where to stop at yet though, been working and dancing for weeks and its killing me a little inside knowing that all i have been doing is choreography and never actually had much of alone time.
my plan to improve failed.
even my plan to gym was more successful than drilling myself and preparing for free style competitions.
i know for sure that i hate choreography competitions, especially with people i cannot work with. (YOU DON"T SAY)
anyway its been quite some time since i've been here, just thought i'd pop by.
drop a little reminder. to always have a little fun.
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10151598102837521¬if_t=like
For my future self to watch. provided the link still exsists
Random Rant. Thursday, May 23, 2013
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Daunting
Just got my enlistment letter,what i don't understand is how people can actually feel happy about it, honestly it felt like grim reaper just came knocking on my door with my death date.
I am honestly not trying to dramatify anything right. Some shit heads would say "man up", its something that every Singaporean guy have to go through. Well i guess these people have nothing better to do in their life. I can't emphasize how much can be achieved in 2 years. Haven't you watched naruto or one piece? Pfft, but jokes aside? Some of my friends would already be finished with University an be looking for jobs and shit, and us? Applying for uni... applying for jobs with our diplomas. Sigh.
AND TO THE SHIT HEADS OUT THERE, WHO SAY SHIT LIKE SINGAPORE ARMY MEN, SO LUCKY, DONT HAVE TO GO TO WAR. I"D GLADLY SERVE MY COUNTRY IF SOMETHING WAS AT STAKE RIGHT NOW. AND IF ANYTHING, 5 FUCKING PLANES WOULD BE SUFFICIENT TO RAID SINGAPORE. FUCK. LOOK AT NAGASAKI.
Now as i stare at my watch, every minute it haunts me, every twitch of the needle it daunts me.
A plan? or just party? YOLO? Or double the effort, im lost for words, im lost in thoughts, that was the longest bus ride i've ever fucking had. ah fuck this.
Random Rant. Friday, April 19, 2013
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Every now and then
feel so fucking depressed for no reason.
Random Rant. Sunday, March 31, 2013
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